5 Relationship Red Flags That Don’t Have to Be Dealbreakers, Has he entered his third decade of life without a solitary long-term relationship? Or are things only so-so in bed—because he clearly needs a little schooling? “Eek. Red flag!”
Okay,
not so fast. Having a checklist of classic deal breakers may not be your best strategy for ultimately winding up with a winner. Dating coach Evan Marc Katz says the smart, successful 21st-century woman especially has the tendency to look for flaws early on and nix men quickly—no one wants to waste their precious time, after all. But this habit may lead to you kicking a lot of decent guys to the curb.
“There’s this temptation to move faster, but people reveal themselves slowly, over time,” Katz explains, insisting that a dose of discernment can go a long way. “There’s always nuance in every situation. We can talk about red flags and generalizations, because there’s no other way to talk about people—but we need to have the wisdom to realize that generalization isn’t always reality.”Let’s practice that sage wisdom. Here are a few red flags that may not be as bad as you think.
1. His past is filled with a long trail of women.
If his figurative black book is as long as the dictionary, don’t panic. According to Katz, many men want to reach a certain place of emotional and financial readiness before settling into that super-committed, long-term relationship. “He might have been having fun until he was ready to settle down and isn’t necessarily a womanizing terror,” Katz says. “It’s not realistic to expect he wasn’t going to date or have sex with anyone until he was ready to meet The One.”
Katz says what matters are his intentions now . Figuring those out comes down to ascertaining his character. Does he have a history of cheating, or has he been faithful in past relationships? Does he treat people respectfully, or do you see signs of uncaring behavior or entitlement? If there are other big red flags, that’s an issue. Trust your gut.
Okay,
“There’s this temptation to move faster, but people reveal themselves slowly, over time,” Katz explains, insisting that a dose of discernment can go a long way. “There’s always nuance in every situation. We can talk about red flags and generalizations, because there’s no other way to talk about people—but we need to have the wisdom to realize that generalization isn’t always reality.”Let’s practice that sage wisdom. Here are a few red flags that may not be as bad as you think.
1. His past is filled with a long trail of women.
If his figurative black book is as long as the dictionary, don’t panic. According to Katz, many men want to reach a certain place of emotional and financial readiness before settling into that super-committed, long-term relationship. “He might have been having fun until he was ready to settle down and isn’t necessarily a womanizing terror,” Katz says. “It’s not realistic to expect he wasn’t going to date or have sex with anyone until he was ready to meet The One.”
Katz says what matters are his intentions now . Figuring those out comes down to ascertaining his character. Does he have a history of cheating, or has he been faithful in past relationships? Does he treat people respectfully, or do you see signs of uncaring behavior or entitlement? If there are other big red flags, that’s an issue. Trust your gut.
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