She Found Her Daughter on a Trip to China, I spent a lot of time chatting with our travel guide, Jack, and asking him questions about the adoption process in China. Adoption has always been something I was curious about. I’m adopted, my brother is adopted, and there’s a lot of international adoption in our family — it’s abnormal if you’re not adopted! In fact, one of my other cousins has five Chinese daughters.
During our conversation, I asked Jack if any of the people adopting ever went home without a child. He first said he didn’t know situations like that, but then revealed to me that there was one case where a family had ended up adopting a different child from the one they had originally planned to take with them.
A couple of days later, we visited an orphanage, or Social Welfare Institute. When we arrived, I saw a little girl wearing a green dress standing in the courtyard. Very casually, Jack pointed out that she was the child who had been left behind. She was still at the orphanage. The moment I looked in her eyes, I felt a connection that I couldn’t explain. I suddenly felt it was my duty to get her out of there. It became clear that visiting the orphanage had not been an accident. I was there for a reason. Even though I felt this connection, the little girl wanted nothing to do with me. She was more interested in Jack, and we had to entice her with candy and toys. By the end of the day, I was totally obsessed with her.
My heart sank when I was told that because her adoption had failed when she was 9 months old, she was not eligible to be adopted again. I didn’t think this was fair, so I advocated for her, asking that she could get back into the system to be matched. The agency I was working with had her file, and the social worker suggested I should think about adopting this child. So I filed the paperwork.
The adoption took 22 months, because I had to return home and because China was preparing for the 2008 Olympic Games. Throughout that time, it drove me crazy to think that Xiao Yin was sitting in China, even though she could be sitting at our dining table.
I decided to name her Lulu (her real name, Xiao Yin, means “little mushroom”), and three generations of my family went to China to pick her up. When we arrived back home, she took to my family immediately. We had some adjustments to make. She was malnourished and hoarded yogurt underneath her pillow, but she seemed happy in her new environment.
She adapted so easily. She went to kindergarten and learned English in five months. She’s a straight-A student. She’s a perfect child. She cleans her room without asking. She’s just a delight. Everyone who knows her adores her.As a family we’ve traveled so much. Lulu has been to Florida many times for the holidays, and she’s even been to Disney World. Her father’s a big boater, so she goes to Long Island, and she’s a talented skier, so we ski together in Vermont. Our plan is to take a “heritage trip” to China when Lulu and my sister’s child are in their early teens, and to go experience their country.
The last few Mother’s Days I’ve worked, but this year, I’m going to spend it with family. We’ll go see my mother, have brunch, and spend a quiet day at the beach.
Lulu was meant to be my daughter — she was just born in the wrong country. She always says, “It took you long enough to find me!”
During our conversation, I asked Jack if any of the people adopting ever went home without a child. He first said he didn’t know situations like that, but then revealed to me that there was one case where a family had ended up adopting a different child from the one they had originally planned to take with them.
A couple of days later, we visited an orphanage, or Social Welfare Institute. When we arrived, I saw a little girl wearing a green dress standing in the courtyard. Very casually, Jack pointed out that she was the child who had been left behind. She was still at the orphanage. The moment I looked in her eyes, I felt a connection that I couldn’t explain. I suddenly felt it was my duty to get her out of there. It became clear that visiting the orphanage had not been an accident. I was there for a reason. Even though I felt this connection, the little girl wanted nothing to do with me. She was more interested in Jack, and we had to entice her with candy and toys. By the end of the day, I was totally obsessed with her.
My heart sank when I was told that because her adoption had failed when she was 9 months old, she was not eligible to be adopted again. I didn’t think this was fair, so I advocated for her, asking that she could get back into the system to be matched. The agency I was working with had her file, and the social worker suggested I should think about adopting this child. So I filed the paperwork.
The adoption took 22 months, because I had to return home and because China was preparing for the 2008 Olympic Games. Throughout that time, it drove me crazy to think that Xiao Yin was sitting in China, even though she could be sitting at our dining table.
I decided to name her Lulu (her real name, Xiao Yin, means “little mushroom”), and three generations of my family went to China to pick her up. When we arrived back home, she took to my family immediately. We had some adjustments to make. She was malnourished and hoarded yogurt underneath her pillow, but she seemed happy in her new environment.
She adapted so easily. She went to kindergarten and learned English in five months. She’s a straight-A student. She’s a perfect child. She cleans her room without asking. She’s just a delight. Everyone who knows her adores her.As a family we’ve traveled so much. Lulu has been to Florida many times for the holidays, and she’s even been to Disney World. Her father’s a big boater, so she goes to Long Island, and she’s a talented skier, so we ski together in Vermont. Our plan is to take a “heritage trip” to China when Lulu and my sister’s child are in their early teens, and to go experience their country.
The last few Mother’s Days I’ve worked, but this year, I’m going to spend it with family. We’ll go see my mother, have brunch, and spend a quiet day at the beach.
Lulu was meant to be my daughter — she was just born in the wrong country. She always says, “It took you long enough to find me!”
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